Life's Craziness

Apparently when you have a baby, work full time, and are trying to loose weight you have no time to write in a blog (or I have no time!) I'm impressed with the mothers who can do it all. I wish someone could teach me the tricks.

I have finally made my decision to stay full time. As much as I want to be home with my baby, I think I need to work full time while I look for a job closer to home. I already know that a full time job closer to home would be a huge cut in pay. For this reason, I think it is best for me to stay full time right now. I am in the process of updating my resume so I can submit it to school districts for next year. I know I need to get this done ASAP because school districts are hiring now. I'm not sure why I'm procrastinating this so much. I had planned on working on it one day last week but our kitty had other plans.

Last week I took Thursday and Friday off to re-energize myself. I planned on spending Thursday working on my resume, doing laundry, putting clothes away, and just basic housekeeping stuff. Unfortunately when I got home from dropping Cameron off at daycare, I noticed our male cat, Vaughn, was not doing well. He didn't walk down the stairs very well and when he got to the bottom of the stairs he teetered and almost fell over. I called the vet (after calling Rod) and went over for a walk-in appointment. He only weighed 5 pounds :(....poor kitty!!! They ran blood and found that he was severely dehydrated and the start of renal failure. He was hospitalized all day Thursday and all day Friday. They gave him fluids and antibiotics and sent him home on prescription food. We go back in 3 weeks and if his kidney levels haven't gotten better and he hasn't gained weight we will have to have the difficult decision :'( I know he's old, like 15 or 16, but I'm not ready to lose him.

Cameron is getting so big. We went to church on Easter and there was a 10 month old there that was the same size as Cameron. I love my little man! I can't believe it has been 5 1/2 months. He's growing up way to fast. He knows how to roll from his front to his back. He reaches out for toys and likes to put everything in his mouth. He especially likes to pull mommy's hair. He loves his doggies and kitties. He laughs and smiles at them and he is the happiest baby I know. We definitely got lucky!!! He is just the cutest baby...of course I'm biased. I just hope his hair comes back soon. He had a head full of hair until 4 months. Then his hair started to fall out as we treated his cradle cap. I can't wait for him to have his beautiful hair back :) We're still mostly happy with his daycare. Sometimes I feel that they feed him too much and his diaper definitely doesn't get changed as often as we change it at home but other than that we're pretty happy. They definitely love him and the other kids seem to enjoy playing with him. Today our provider asked me to sign him up for a free tummy time class that she would like to take him to on Tuesdays. I like that she is doing things that I would like to do with him if I was home.

Although I am overwhelmed with everything that needs to get done, I am loving life. I have the absolute most amazing husband in the world. He does all the cleaning around the house, takes care of the animals, will help with anything I need and is the best father in the world. Cameron adores his father. He lights up when he sees him and gives this big grin and it melts my heart. I am seriously the luckiest person alive!!!

A Birth and a Death; A Beginning and an End

The last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. It started with me going back to work. Leaving Cameron for the first time was one of the most difficult thing I have had to do. Luckily Rod went with me the first day because I was sobbing when I walked out. I called his daycare twice that day to check on him. Mommy had a hard day, but Cameron did fabulous. As the days went on it got a little easier. I cried a little on Wednesday and only called once. When I picked him up on Wednesday my daycare provider's son was holding Cameron and she said I hope you don't mind, but he is going to be spoiled here because everyone loves to hold him. That's when I decided he was still going to be loved even though his mommy wasn't with him. Although I cried Thursday in the car I knew he would be ok so I didn't call. On Friday, I did ok dropping him off. I knew he was doing well there so it made it much easier for me. When I got to work I received the news that my best friend's mom had passed away. I lost it! I wanted to leave work, run home, and grab my son in my arms and never let go. The weekend was a blur. We spent time with with our family and got some stuff done around the house. I enjoy having lazy weekends around the house but in our typical fashion we are lucky if we have one day. That weekend we were in constant contact with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law because our nephew was due any time. My sister-in-law had been put on bed rest earlier in the week. On Monday we got the call saying she was going to be induced. Tuesday evening my perfect nephew was born. A death on Friday and a birth on Tuesday....the circle of life. On Friday we attended the memorial service and we took Cameron with us. Cameron started to fuss at the end of the service and I had to walk out. I was so embarrassed and I felt so bad he interrupted the service for everyone. Luckily I was the only one that thought it was bad. Most people couldn't believe how good he was. Someone even said it was nice to see a baby to remind us of life's continuance. Life is precious and no amount of time you have to prepare will ever prepare you for the loss of someone you love. Cherish the time you spend with the ones you love because you don't know how many tomorrows you have. Remember to tell those special people in your lives that you love them even if it sounds silly because it may be the last time you talk to them. Life is too short to be unhappy so find something to be happy about! I hope everyone in my life knows that I love them and that they mean the world to me.

I want to make sure my son knows that I love him more than anything. I think that is why I have such a hard time with being so far away from him during the day.  My constant struggle is: am I doing the right thing? did I make the right decision? will my son know how much I love him and want to be with him if I am working full time? I think I would love to be a stay at home mom, but our finances would be stretched tight. We wouldn't be able to contribute to retirement for me or for a college fund for Cameron. I also don't know how or when I would re-enter the workforce Yes, I have the opportunity to work part time with the job I have now, but my job duties would change. I love what I do and I'm not sure I would love it as much if I was doing something different. The other dilemma is working part time would not give me sick leave, vacation leave, retirement, etc. When I didn't have a child if I took vacation I could make up my hours, with a baby that wouldn't be the case. He would have a set schedule with daycare and I would have a set schedule with work, no deviations. The positive being I could feel like I am raising my son while still bringing in some money. I don't know what I want to do and I don't know how to make this huge decision. What if I regret my decision? What if I change my mind? These are all the things that run through my mind constantly.

A New Start!

When I started blogging I had planned on writing on it all the time, but life got in the way. It is now time to start over...a new blog :) A new start for a new year! A place for me to write all the trials and tribulations of becoming a mother, going back to work, getting healthy, and trying to keep my family happy...a way for me to remember my life as it passes by so quickly. It is amazing to think how in one year your life changes so amazingly. I started last year determined to lose weight, to make myself healthier so I could get pregnant. I joined Weight Watchers in January which helped me to make smarter food choices, track my exercise, and made me accountable to a group...6 weeks, 12 pounds lost, and a positive pregnancy test...a fantastic, terrifying, wonderful new beginning! I had to quickly change my plans from losing weight, to eating healthy and being ok to gain that weight back. My pregnancy was great up until 36 weeks when my blood pressure went high. I was put on bed rest for 2 weeks and then our little miracle arrived. It wasn't the easiest delivery, but I can't complain too much. I was only in horrible labor for less than 12 hours. I tried an epidural, but it only took on half of my body. I dilated fully, but my little man decided to he didn't want to budge. I ended up with a c-section after 2 1/2 hours of pushing. Although the delivery did not go the way I planned, in the end we had a happy, healthy, perfect 8lb 2.6oz 21 1/2in little boy! It is amazing how much you can love someone the moment you see them :)
(10 days old)

I have been home with my little one for almost 12 weeks. This time has flown by so quickly. I think having so many holidays within those 12 weeks have accelerated my time off. I don't know how I am going to leave my little boy in the care of almost a complete stranger starting on Tuesday. I'm looking at some options to start working part time. Maybe I'll be ok once I get back, but I don't think so. I love my little man's face, the smile that lights up his eyes, the dimple in his cheek, the way he is so hell bent to suck his thumb, his cute little cry when he gets upset, etc. I love everything about this little boy! I want to be a stay at home mom for the first year, but my husband doesn't think I will be happy. I think I would love staying home with my little boy, but I know it would be a stretch on our finances. We'll see how things go ;) Now onto the getting healthy part. I ended last year 15 pounds lighter than I started. Wohoo...that is a success to me since for 9 months of the year I was growing another human being inside of me. After giving birth, I was able to lose all the weight I gained plus 2 or 3 more. This year is going to be a new start. I want to get healthy for my son. I want to teach him to eat healthy instead of unhealthy like I have been for the last several years. I have never been a small person, but I put on a lot of weight during grad school. It is time to make a change, to start over, to learn how to be a healthy person and an active mom. I love walking so I'm going to start taking Cameron with me. I want him to enjoy the outdoors. This spring I want to explore new towns, go hiking, take my little boy to the zoo. There are so many things I want to do and I need to be healthy to do that. So in February, I am going to start Weight Watchers again. Hopefully, I will be able to teach myself to eat healthier and get more active. Although I would like to lose weight, my main goal is to get healthy. As my son gets bigger, I want to make his baby food. I want to teach him to eat all sorts of vegetables that I didn't want to eat when I was little. Maybe he will help keep me on track :)

Now off to spend time with my family!
What a sweet baby boy! This is the little man I will somehow be walking away from on Tuesday :'(